Tuesday, June 12, 2012

7 Ways in 7 Days to Knock the Socks Off Your Spouse


I met my husband at the beginning of my sophomore year of college at Brigham Young University. We married right before finals at the end of the year—I was only 19! So young! :) My freshman year I always made fun of the girls in the MFHD program (Marriage, Family, Human Development) because I thought all they wanted to do was get married--and that didn't equate to my accounting/business oriented mind. Boy
was I shocked with myself when after we were married I decided to switch to the MFHD program! Fast forward several years and we were finally able to have children after a lot of heartache. Hopefully we're not done but I'm so grateful for the kids we have.

Going from years by ourselves and then throwing kids into the mix has been an interesting experience. I think that no matter what the situation, it can be hard to maintain a positive and thriving marriage. If you're not currently married, just tuck this article away--hopefully for future use! :)

From my schooling and experience I've learned that to keep marriage going strong sometimes you have to shake things up. Below is an idea to do just that.

The Weekly Marriage Shake Up
(To thoroughly knock the socks off your spouse!)

Sweet Treat Sunday
Massage Monday
Touch Tuesday
Woo Him/Her Wednesday
Thank Him/Her Thursday
Fun Activity Friday
Sweet Nothings Saturday

Sweet Treat Sunday
On Sunday, make or get a treat your spouse really likes. If he/she is on a diet, be mindful of this and find a way to make him/her something special. If he/she asks why just say you love him/her. Keep your list a secret! :)

Massage Monday
You can go about this a few ways. You can tell your spouse you're giving him/her a massage and ask where he/she would like to be massaged. You can  tell him/her a list of areas you're willing to massage (for those of you with stinky feet aversions :) ) or you can just do it. Be considerate of your spouses feelings and preferences--you want this to be a wonderful experience!

Touch Tuesday
If you're not in the habit of this, your spouse may ask you what the heck you're doing but whenever you talk to your spouse or walk by your spouse or sit next to your spouse, make sure part of you is intentionally touching him/her. Do this ALL Day. Don't be surprised if your spouse reciprocates.

Woo Him/Her Wednesday
Do whatever is romantic to your spouse. If you don't know--ask him/her!

Thank Him/Her Thursday
Pay attention to everything your spouse does today and thank him/her for everything--just be sincere. Some examples that I would use:
"Thank you for going to work today."
"Thank you for taking care of your dirty clothes this morning."
"Thank you for changing that diaper."
"Thank you for emptying the garbage."
"Thank you for being such a good dad to our girls."

Fun Activity Friday
Plan something for the 2 of you. You don't have to leave your house or you can. You don't have to get a babysitter. If you can get a babysitter--DO! If not, stay in and play a card game or go play a game of catch outside. Make a cake together (don't forget to "accidentally" smear some frosting on your spouse's face). Do something out of the ordinary. It could take 5 minutes or 3 hours. Just make a plan and do it.

Sweet Nothings Saturday
Tell your spouse "sweet nothings" all day. You can whisper them, text or email them, write them on pieces of paper and leave them around the house. Tell your spouse all the things you love about him/her--his/her personality, actions, looks, quality, etc.

Put these ideas into action for a week and not only will you feel more love for your spouse but he/she should definitely feel more loved and hopefully at some point will reciprocate.

I'd love to hear your results! 

(C) Copyright 2012 Dedra Tregaskis. All Rights Reserved.





113 comments:

  1. I'm excited to give this a try. We love doing things like this for each other. It keeps our love strong, and keeps us liking each other too! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas.

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  2. Jessie, Thanks for commenting! I hope these ideas spice things up for you! :)

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  3. What a sweet list! My hubby and I were high school sweethearts, and while we still love each other more than anything, there is always room to improve on the sweet things we do! :) Thank you for some very cute ideas!

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    1. You are welcome! :) I love hearing about high school sweethearts!

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  4. Great list. Time to put it in action. Married at 18 (!) and this year for 9 (!) years and fallin in love every day a bit more. Thank you for sharing!

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    1. It IS amazing you can love them more as time goes on! Congrats on the 9 years! That is what we celebrated this year too!

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  5. Great idea. Will be doing this next week. Perfect timing too, as next week is our anniversary! :D

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  6. These are great ideas! It's so important to remember to thank your spouse for the little things!

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    1. Amen! How often does anyone actually get thanked in life? That is why a simple thing like thanking your spouse is soooo important and beneficial to the whole family.

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  7. I just stumbled upon your blog...gotta love pinterest! I just became a stay at home mom after quitting my job. I'm excited to focus of family relationships...especially with my husband. Thanks for the ideas and keep them coming!

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    1. Good for you! I wish you much success in one of the most important jobs on earth!

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  8. I found your blog on Pinterest! I love it so far! I loved this post so much!

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    1. I am so glad. Hopefully you'll keep liking what is to come.

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  9. I also just found your blog through Pinterest! I love this idea. It's hard to remember to do these simple acts with the kids, housework, work and all the other activities that you have throughout your day.

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    1. So true! I have to keep reminding myself!

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  10. This is just what my husband and I needed. Thanks

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  11. I will be trying this next week. Thank you for the tips!

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  12. This is really great! I am going to blog about this on my blog with credit to you. This needs to be shared. Good job!!!

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  13. So simple, yet can make all the difference! =)

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  14. Great ideas...simple too!

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  15. I'm excited to try this.. I've only been married six months but we found out we were pregnant a month and a half after the wedding so it's been all about the baby since then. This will be a nice reminder to show him how much I love him! Yay

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    1. Oooh congrats!!! Pregnancy can put some strain on a marriage but it can also draw you so much closer. Good luck with everything!

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  16. i LOVE this idea! i am totally going to do this!

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  17. I am so excited to try this! My husband and I are so busy with 2 jobs, 3 kids...etc. I love that its just the sweet simple things in life to remind us of why we love eachother and to show eachother how important we are to eachother:) Thank you!!!!

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    1. Woah, you are busy! I hope this list keeps your marriage strong!

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  18. What a great list of ideas. Goes to show it really is the little things that matter most. A little love and positivity can go a long way in any relationship!

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  19. Can't wait to try this next week! My husband & I just had our second child a few months ago & I think my hubby is starting to feel a tad neglected as this baby is not quite as easy as our first was!! Hopefully this will help him feel more appreciated! Thank you!

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    1. Congrats on #2! Husbands do play a pretty tough role through our pregnancies and post-partum. I hope this list is exactly what you two need!

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  20. LOVE this. We have been married 6 years so I'm always looking for something to keep the spark going ;)

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    1. Congrats on 6 years! Its so nice to hear people that have the same mindset about the importance of marriage!

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  21. I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!! I have actually been in the works of creating a similar schedule for me and my hubs of 5 1/2 years. We have two tots and he works really long hours and I was really in need of some just "us" time. I had also thought of Massage Monday and then Topless Tuesday (which was obviously a hit lol!) but I couldn't think of anything else for the rest of the week. I seriously LOVED these ideas! Thank you so much for sharing! I love hearing what other LDS couples do to help keep things going. I also majored in Family Science at BYU and nothing is as important to me as Marriage and Family. Thank you again for sharing!

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  22. Thank you so much for this post! My husband and I are going through difficulties with grad school and work and trying to get pregnant and it was just nice to really focus on him for a week. (He also really loved it!)

    I hope you don't mind but I used your post as part of a blog my sister and I started together. I linked it back to you so whoever wants to your full post has to come to your blog. I just really loved this idea and wanted to share it.

    Thanks you again!
    http://theinfertilesisters.blogspot.com/

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  23. I love these simple ideas! We just had our fourth boy 3 weeks ago. And soon will be celebrsting our 15th anniversary! It is nice to be reminded of the sweet small things that make the difference! :)

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  24. Gonna give this a try :) High School Sweethearts here.....wayy back in '88 :) sometimes we all need reminders :)

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  25. Thank you so much for these great, simple, yet impactful ideas. After 15 years of marriage, four kids, countless blessings and humbling trials, these reminders of selfless acts are just what I need. I can't wait to try these next week. Your post is truly an answer to prayer. Thank you!

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  26. This is great! I am really excited to do this for my dear hubby-- he does so much for me. Thank you! We have been married only 4 years, but with 2 kids we don't get as much us time anymore. These ideas are simple but so sweet. Thanks for sharing.

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  27. I got married at 18 and we've been married 7 years. It's definitly gotten better. One thing I've learned (and still have to work on) is to loosen up and love. These are good ways to do that. Thanks for the tips. I'll be doing this this week. :)

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  28. This is fantastic! I blog all about dating your spouse and would love to feature you! If you are interested you can email me pmwhiteley@gmail.com
    -Mackenzie @ www.fridaynightdatenight.blogspot.com

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  29. This made me smile!! Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful list. Last year, for my husband's birthday I created a package of pre-arranged monthly date nights for 6 months. However, this will be a nice treat!

    http://peachypains.com/peachys-pack/date-night-package/

    Thanks again!
    -Kelby

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  30. We try to do things like this all the time but I am going to do this for the whole week for our 15th anniversary. Thanks for sharing!

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  31. How fun! I too ended up majoring in MFHD from BYU ... didn't think I would but totally fell in love with the classes :) A friend recommended your website and I just wanted to say thank you for this post. It's so true how we often need to shake things up and re-focus on our hubs. I would love to do a post on my blog about your 7 day challenge and reference readers to your blog. Would you feel comfortable with that?

    Thanks again!
    Mindy
    busybliss.blogspot.com

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  32. I can't wait to try this. My husband and I have been together for over 2 years and have never had an arguement. Everyone says "it'll happen" or "its coming". We are always like eehh..idk... We don't argue, if and when we disagree on something, we talk about it then and explain each side. It's just how we do things. I am so excited to try this. We have two children and it is hard to find time for ourselves especially since we live 4 hours from ANYONE in our family for a sitter. I am a stay-at-home mom going to college online full-time for Early Childhood Education and he works as a credit manager..very stressful..and is also in college full-time for his Bachelors in Business Management. He graduates in January after 6 years, (2 at a community college and 4 at Athens U.) Thursdays are automatically full-body massage night for him because he works so hard and late Thursdays. I will have to just switch Thursdays and Mondays, but I am ecstatic to try this!

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  33. Hubby and I were high school sweethearts and after 19 years together and two kids, we definitely need to spice things up a bit. We are beginning to feel more like roommates than lovers. Definitely giving this a try :)

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  34. Tomorrow my husband and I will have been married 24 years - little touches like these you have described are what keeps a marriage strong. Great article! Thanks!

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  35. Thank you so much for sharing. :) My husband and I got married young as well, just celebrated 11 years! I'm going to start this right away :)

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  36. I've been married 27 years and we do a lot of the things you suggest. Definitely keeps the magic alive. We have 4 kids, ages 25, 22, 15, & 13. Teamwork is the key!!
    Carrie

    www.funksquared.blogspot.com

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  37. Thanks for posting this!! I can't wait to try it. I married my high school sweetheart, in April we celebrated our 13th anniversary. And now have 3 boys, it is sometimes so hard at times to just find time for the 2 of us, with all the stuff our 12 and 9 yr olds play and do and then chasing a 2yr old around. (the 2yr old was a huge surprise) I will for sure try this out. Thanks so much!!

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  38. This is a wonderful idea. My husband and I started dating as sophomores in highschool. And got married last year on October 15 which was also our 7 year dating anniversary. Getting ready to celebrate our first wedding anniversary which will be 8 years for us. We are still madly in love but it's always nice to put the little reminders in eachothers minds. I will def try these soon. Thanks for the wonderful ideas. I'm pinning this on my pinterest page. :)

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  39. These are things my hubs and I make a conscious effort to do all the time. It had definitely made a difference on our marriage. Read the 5 Love Languages for more great ideas!!! Thanks for sharing!

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  40. We are high school sweethearts and now married 39 years. Will be trying this this week. Should be fun. Thanks for the idea.

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  41. Such a sweet, wonderful idea! So simple, so loving, and yet... some times I don't make time/feel there is no time for things like this. Thanks for sharing this list, it's a great reminder to take care of my honey.
    And... today is Friday, good time to start!

    Thank you!

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  42. I cant wait to try this on my husband

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  43. My only advice is that you should be doing things like this a lot more than one week straight.

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  44. You are a genius! I can not wait to try this out on my fiance!!

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  45. What a sweet, simple list. I think I'll try this out. Dh and I just celebrated 10 years a month and a half ago. Our marriage has been filled with ups and downs from a twin pgcy shortly after we married which ended as a singleton (it was pretty much 'congratulations....oh, and you should've been carrying two but the other has died'.....gee, thanks for the sensitivity!), surgeries for each of us, post partum depression, secondary infertility...4.5 years it took to get our second successful pregnancy (yes, we had a few early losses when ttc), to a ruptured ectopic when DS was 10 months, as well as visas and greencards and each of us moving to the other's home country (we live in his country now, which has been a huge adjustment), loss of family members...life is hard and it makes it easy to forget or set aside the reasons you love each other and why you got together in the first place. Sometimes you need to revert back to the simple things to reconnect.

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  46. Just when i thought all hope was lost between my man and i did i come across your list. thank you.

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  47. Fun ideas! We just celebrated 8 years - time for a week of appreciation, I think!

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  48. My fiancƩ and I have been together since I was twelve and we have a daughter that is one and a half. I have been trying to find ways to show him how much I love him and how great he is.. Thank you for this list this will definitely be a new tradition!!!

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  49. Before I ever saw this list I did a number of these things for my husband. Now it's expected of me. I get no reciprocation, no thanks, no favors, no nothing. I get more accusations of cheating, suspicions that I'm doing something wrong or that I have. And on top of that, a lot of bitching from him when I stop. I've given him extra attention, tell him nice things, touch him more often and even more sex! Idk what else to do.

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    1. Tiny Green Mama,
      I'm glad to see your amazing effort and sad to hear of the results. Have you tried asking him what he needs to feel loved? Have you tried to tell him specifically how YOU feel loved and what you need? He might think he is showing you love in his own way. He might also have more of a selfish personality--for that I would sign up to do some community service together and see if that helps to change his heart. Those are my thoughts tonight. Please feel free to discuss this more. I would also recommend a family therapist if at all possible.

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    2. Yes I agree with Edie, communication has to be open. Let him know what you need, and ask what he needs...and really listen! It is so hard to have these kinds of conversations without one or both spouses getting defensive. If the conversation starts to go off the tracks, remind each other than you are in this TOGETHER, you are not AGAINST each other. As a Christian I do believe that Satan will do whatever he can to break what God has put together, including my marriage, so when we are fighting we sometimes need to take a step back and identify who the real Enemy is, and who our ally is (each other).

      Also, reading over this list makes me giggle. If I had a day where I randomly started doing something *over and over all day long* my husband would get really weirded out. As it is, we make a conscious effort to practice all of these ways EVERY day. Also, know that what feels like love to you may not feel the same to your husband. Have you read the Five Love Languages book? I think it is invaluable to a healthy marriage. My Love Language is physical touch, and that is my husband's LAST on the list. Sometimes, refraining from touching (or requiring touch from) him is the best way I can express my love, if I know he needs something different at that time, like an encouraging word or just making him a nice lunch.

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  50. After 32+ years together hubby and I have been through just about every high and low. For Tiny Green Mama: Sometimes things work, sometimes they don't. For the really difficult times when nothing seems to work, the fact that you are 'working' means the most, take it to a pro. Don't give up, love is worth it. You made the committment and so did he, but you have to live up to it... recommit daily.
    There is no formula for the perfect marriage, they are as varied as the people that form them. Dedra's list of things to do is a perfect start for sparking that lost fire and even just a couple of them done consistently will make your spouse feel he's got something special..and he does!
    As women I think the most detrimental thing we do to our marriages is fail to see what our spouses are doing for us. We expect what we give, forgetting we give as women and we married men! (and I can only speak to that scenario)
    Communication is key. Your spouse needs to know what you need, and he can't 'know' if you don't tell him, because he doesn't need the same things.
    Communication has to be honest. It has to be done without recrimination. It's not about complaining and laying blame it's about learning and growing and loving.
    Off my soapbox now...
    Thanks Dedra for these great ideas and for a place love can grow
    edie

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    1. Edie, You are soooo right! Thank you so much for these comments. My hope IS to make this a place where love can grow. Congrats on 32+ years!!! If we can help one marriage I will be completely satisfied! I hope my ideas and the comments shared can help many others!

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  51. We've been married for over 30 years. Maybe this is the secret? We've been doing this the entire time, except it never had a name. The thing is, it can't be a "one way street" he has to thank her too. Thank you for making dinner. Thank you for ironing my shirts. Thank you for buying me bananas that are just right. Wash her back in the shower. Pat her butt. Tell her she's pretty. Hug her when you come home and say "I missed you today" Leave little notes in dry erase marker on the bathroom mirror. Send her an "I'm thinking of you" text. Hold her hand when you cross the street, or just when you're watching TV. Hand HER the remote. I guess I got lucky. I like doing things for him, he likes doing things for me. We are total opposites, He's the nerd, I'm the nature goddess, but somehow, it works.

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  52. I'm ready to try this out. We just had our second little girl and I really haven't had the time for him but this will let him know he is still very much important and loved!!! Thank you this is gonna be very helpful!!

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  53. I just started and in two days, I started at Monday and am now on Wednesday, my husband loves it!! He was so excited to get all the extra attention and I won't tell him why which makes it a little game for me to see how far I can get before he gets it out of me, I am not a good secret keeper from him :) haha

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  54. I started today on Monday!:) I'm 18 and married my husband this past May. I know I'm young but man I know he's my one!!! We aren't drifting yet, but I look for ways to spoil him because he spoils me!:) I love your list and can't wait to see how my husband feels by the end of the week:))))

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  55. This is such a great idea! I was just thinking yesterday that I should do something to make my husband feel more loved. I'll definitely give this a shot :)

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  56. Any ideas for an alternative for Massage Monday - my husband is ticklish to the point where he can't get massages... I may also need an alternative for Woo Him Wednesday since my husband is just not romantic.

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    1. Try Message Monday- text him, leave notes on papers in his shoes or pockets. Make him feel loved.
      Instead of wooing try silly things like drawing portraits of him--which is even better if you can't draw. I do this sometimes and it is hilarious but I love doing it because I look at him for a long time when I try and draw.

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  57. Great List! I have to say my husband and I fist bump each other every single time we walk by each other throughout the house, ALL day long, just to touch one another. It's become a habit but it lets you know that you are connected and acknowledge each other. I'm telling you if you hold your fist out she or he is going to "bump" it. No one can resist a fist bump;)Lol. If we are out and about and catch each others eye we wave at each other. We do this at parties or the park or in the grocery store even, and always done with a smile. If he waits in the car while I go into to a store, on my way back out he honks and then waves, I think it's cute:)

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    1. Awesome! I told this to my husband and we fist bump all the time now too! LOVE it!

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  58. This is such a fun little list! It's funny how we stop doing the little things as time goes on and children enter the picture. I just had baby number four in August and this one has been unusually stressful. I was on full bedrest for six weeks, my son came five weeks and four days early and then spent 26 days in the NICU. Needless to say our relationship has been a bit neglected. Our 8th Anniversary is Saturday and I think this is a great way to get "back to basics" leading up to it. And something I will continue afterward.
    Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad I found your blog through Pinterest

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  59. I realize you wrote this quite some time ago, however I just stumbled across it and I'm looking forward to placing your list into action. I've already tweeted and Facebook'd a link as well. With your permission, I would also like to share this on my blog (BlessedbutStillStressed). I look forward to reading more of your posts!
    God Bless,
    CAS

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    1. CAS, Of course you can link to this on your blog. :)We should swap ads. :)

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  60. great ideas! I may have to try this soon!

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  61. I would just like to say THANK YOU SO MUCH. My significant other and I of three years, were in a very bad place. I read this and i tried it. You saved our relationship. It truly is amazing what the little things can do.

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  62. What a great idea this is. We've been married almost 19 yrs and there's seasons where we just get stale, and stuck in our rut,
    We have a great relationship but I'm trying this because it's out of the box for me. I'm excited to see his responses to this.
    Thanks for this great idea.

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  63. I was 16 when my husband and I started dating and 23 when we got married. We are coming up on our second wedding anniversary and I love doing things like this to let him know that 9 years later the honeymoon stage is still going strong :) great list!!

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  64. I didn't realize people don't do this on a regular basis.

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  65. This is great! I'm getting married early next year and I'm always looking for ways to keep that spark alive. (I hear too much about people who stopped working on their relationships.)

    Would you mind if I shared this on my blog sometime in the future? I would always link back to yours.

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  66. Love these ideas! Being November, and the month of Thanksgiving, I have been texting my husband every day and telling him something about him that I am thankful for. It's amazing how something so easy to do can spark a little more love into your life. He has started trying to beat me at telling me what he is greatful for about me and I have noticed a lot more hand holding and snuggling going on in our relationship. I am excited to add these other ideas to my week! Thanks!

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  67. Very good ideas! My husband & I have been married for 17 years. It is VERY important to remember why you fell in love, and to not allow the flame to just smolder and die. I'll be trying these.....
    Thanks!

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  68. I will definetly be trying this, its exactly what i needed to hear and start doing!:)

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  69. I absolutely love this!! I think it is so important to remind our hubby's how much we love them!! I was in high school, and 17, when my husband and I started dating! He was in college. We got married when I was 19, and we are about to celebrate our 8 year anniversary!! :) I think people under estimate young love <3 Thanks for the great idea! I'm a list type of gal, so this will be handy!

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  70. Started this Sunday, unintentionally, by bringing home a bag of Reese trees. Today, Monday, is back rub day :-) my boyfriend is going to want this week every week. We've only been together a short time, but with work and bills, we've fallen away from each other. No more, I say!

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  71. These all sound great, however, be careful with the "Thanking" thing. If you do it too much they may start to feel like you are being insincere or even sarcastic. Who needs to be thanked for going to work?? Don't thank them for things that are expected of everyone in the household. But defintely thank him for all the extras that He does!!!

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  72. I'm sorry but I disagree with Kat's comment. I think we should thank people for doing what is expected of them, especially our loved ones. I am a supervisor at a large company, I thank my employees for doing what they do even though it is what they get before. It is amazing how true the old adage is " you get more with honey". We all need to feel appreciated

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  73. Love this idea! Doing it starting now!

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  74. Married at 19, and july will 15 yrs. Love this idea to show yr spouse they are important to you.

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  75. It is stunning how you have contrived to fully expose the topic which you have chosen for this exact entry of yours. BTW did you use some other blog posts as a source of ideas to be able to complete the whole situation that you published in your blog post?

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  76. I'm not sure if you are trying to commend me or attack me but I came up with this idea from just the thoughts and inspirations in my head. I have no need or desire to copy anyone. I have a degree in social science with an emphasis in marriage and family therapy. I care deeply about improving marriages and families because I believe they are the foundation of our society and when families crumble, nations will plummet to the ground. A healthy marriage and family life is the greatest joy s person can ever know.

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  77. I just found you through Pinterest! My goodness, we have some things in common: I met my husband sophomore year at BYU. We got married right after finals. I was 19. It took us a few years to have babies, too. Thanks for this list. I'm repinning it.

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  78. So I found this on Pinterest last weekend and decided to start it this week. I thought it was a little strange that my fiance was following me around on Tuesday, but I figured it was because I had been making intentional contact, like you suggested. Then Wednesday he made the table and lit candles for dinner, and yesterday started thanking me for watering the plants, feeding the cat, etc.
    After he asked if I'd like to go play frisbee today, I finally realized he had been looking at my pinterest!! The cheater had beaten me to the punch every day this week, without knowing I was trying to be sweet too!
    Since it's not yet time for my Sunday treat and Monday massage, I guess I'll let him believe he's fooling me. ;)

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    1. That is more than hilarious! Yeah, let him think he's got you fooled. Tuesday you will have to do something super amazing to beat him at it all! :)

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  79. This is awesome! I will definitely have to use this. My husband and I have known each other for 23 years and we can always use little things to spice it up!

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  80. The informations are so lovely and so usefull so thank you very much. Be sure i will use all of them keeping in my mind.Have a goog luck.

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  81. Thank you for sharing these ideas. Can't wait to try them ALL!

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  82. I had a lot of fun doing this. I didn't let my husband know, just started on Monday. He said something by Thursday or Friday about how he wasn't sure if he'd done anything extra nice, but he felt like I was so happy with him these past few days - lol! The only epic fail was Wenesday - I had so much trouble being romantic! Saturday too! I've always thought of myself as a romantic person but it's actually quite hard to do on the fly. I've scolded my husband before about not being romantic, but I think I'll back off that - it's harder than I thought! ;) Loved this, thanks for sharing!

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  83. I love this. My anniversary is coming up on valentine's day so I can do this the week before :)

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  84. Such great ideas; I'm going to try it! I do make great efforts to be a good wife, and I'm eager to see how this week goes!

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