Sunday, September 18, 2011

Marriage Helps

I'm no expert but I love sharing ideas that work for me in case it might benefit others. Here are a few things you can do to help enhance your marriage.
Go grab a piece of paper and a pencil. Don't wait. Do it RIGHT NOW. Now write something that your spouse does that you love--could be something simple like: "I love your smile." or "I love it when you do the dishes for me." or it could be something romantic. Now go hide it somewhere only your spouse will find it. (I put notes in my husbands pant pockets before he wears them). Get in the habit of doing this once a week for a nice little treat for your spouse to know you care!
This is best if you get your spouse in on the activity. You'll be making a list. Title it something like this: "A guide to loving _____ (your name here)" or "The Things ______(your name here) Loves" or "I feel loved when:"
Then list everything you can think of that your spouse currently does and especially what you wish they would do. If you've never done this before, chances are your spouse will have no clue about some of the things on your list and you'll probably be shocked about their list. Be specific.
When I did this, I included a list of treats that would brighten my day (like hard Runts and Ben and Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie Ice Cream- YUM!) and also things that I consider Romantic. I was shocked my husband really wanted me to serenade him. I never knew!
So for most of our marriage, I had it in my head that whenever my husband did something I didn't like--i.e. leaving his socks on the floor, that it was personal. It was as if his leaving his socks on the floor was an expression of "I don't care about you enough to pick these up." I would get irritated over all the little things. Somewhere along the way, I decided to change my attitude. I somehow got through all the nasty little lies in my head and told myself the truth: "My husband does love me and he loves me a lot and he isn't perfect because look at how imperfect I am!" Once I realized this and got it into my head I started noticing all of the amazing things he DOES do! He does the dishes every night. He gets up with the kids more often during the night than I do. He gives me a break from the kids whenever I ask for it and he often encourages this. He DOES throw his clothes down the laundry shoot and only occassionally forgets a sock or two. He does try to bring home suprises to show his love for me. The list goes on and on.
I can't tell you how big of a difference this has made in our marriage and for me personally! Rarely does he do anything now that truly bothers me and if it does, I tell him and he usually tries to change immediately. OK, so maybe I have an amazing husband but I think most spouses would try harder and do better if we got off their case and let them be human. Accept your spouse for who they are. Love them despite their faults--you have plenty of them too! :) Forget about the little things that bother you. It may take time. Catch yourself the next time something bothers you and tell yourself to get over it. Once you've gotten over one issue, move on to the next. Make an effort to notice the good things they DO do and praise them for it. A LOT!
I hope these ideas help someone!


  1. Great ideas! :) Marriage is def hard work...but when we focus on the negative, or the things that irritate us, it only makes things more difficult. Thanks for sharing some great ideas that have really worked for you!

    1. It IS hard work but so worth it! I hope this helps!