Thursday, June 20, 2013

Leading up to Treatment

I recently started an intensive treatment program for my depression. I guess I've always had some sort of depression throughout my life. I didn't really notice it then--I just didn't understand how other people could be so happy. I just never got it. The day we brought our first baby home though I was hit with a level of depression that I had never experienced before. The thoughts that my baby and husband would be better off without me were so strong and believable. I asked people for help in taking care of my baby. I was in a really low place but everyone I asked told me "no." What the? I didn't know I had to say I was suicidal to get help?!?!?!

I did everything I could to work on the depression myself. I learned some things that really helped me to be happy as well as coping mechanisms....for a while.

My depression would come and go in its severity. My whole pregnancy with my 3rd child was pretty awful. I started becoming open about my depression about a year after I had my third. As soon as I did people started coming out of the woodwork telling me I needed to take meds. I felt like some have practically tried forcing it down my throat. Then there have been others that have no idea about depression that have told me I just need to pray more or be more righteous or choose to be happy. Everyone who has had clinical depression know those answers are a bunch of crock. I AM choosing to be happy. I do pray - A LOT. I keep trying to improve my righteousness but my brain is broken and it won't allow me to be happy.

Recently I found that no matter what I did to try and help  my depression nothing was helping at all anymore. We knew I needed help but we have constantly felt that medicine was not the right choice for me. We looked into electroshock therapy and I started acupuncture...but then I nose dived again and I started to look for a rehab facility.

This place called Theta Wellness popped up while looking for a rehab facility. I went in the next day and they started me immediately. They put you through a few processes that help restore neurotransmitters to their correct functioning without the use of meds. They use technology derived from Nasa, a transcranial magnetic therapy device, and an infrared bed. The program lasts 21 days and takes about 2 hours a day. It is a huge commitment but we were out of options. During my first treatment my cloud started to lift and I am now on day 7 and it hasn't returned. There has been no pain involved, no memory loss. The only bad part was a protein shake they make you drink each day but now they don't bother me at all.

We are hoping for some permanent improvement. Time will tell how well it works in the long run. At least now I can think clearly, thoughts of ending my life have ceased and I have much more energy.

For those struggling with depression, know that its not your fault. You're not a bad person because you have depression--even though the world seems to insinuate this. Depression can strike the strongest, most intelligent minds.If you have a broken leg you get it fixed. You're not a bad person if your bone gets broken. If your brain gets broken, you get it fixed--you're not a bad person!

Join me in my fight to stop the social stigma.



  1. I could have written this. Seems everyone's answer is either medication or just choose to be happy. If one more person tells me just to choose to be happy, I think I will scream. It is not that easy. Thank you for speaking out about this and letting me know I am not alone in my thinking. ((HUGS))

  2. Bless you Dedra. We have lived with depression for many years at my house. If we had had cancer, I.m sure the help would be great. As it is, we are pretty much nonexistent. I could tell you stories, but for privacy sake....I won.t. You are stronger than you think and bless Richard. It is awful to be the spouse that has to watch and not know what to do.....I wish you the best!!

  3. I hope that this continues to help you. Sometime you'll have to tell me more about it, in person would be easier. Thanks again for the opportunity you have given me. It has helped me so much.