Saturday, June 9, 2012

The "I Love My Spouse" Project

I've had a difficult time trying to pinpoint the focus of this blog probably because I'm scatterbrained and interested in too many things. It hit me today while I was taking a bath at 7:00 in the morning (a time normally reserved only for sleeping in our household!) that I really need to focus this blog on marriage and family relationships. Some of you know I have a degree in that area of study. I'm not an expert. I don't have the perfect marriage, nor am I the best mother but things in our home are pretty good. We love each other and we stick it out through thick and thin, which we seem to have had a lot of "thin" lately.
A blog post for another day is the story of what has happened to us over the last few years. Right now we're in limbo waiting to move, which could be in 3 weeks or 2 years. For some reason I was thinking the other day what I would say in church to introduce our family (when you move into a new "ward" in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you usually get called to speak to the congregation and you are supposed to introduce your family.) I thought about what I could say about my husband.My list of positive attributes kept growing and growing over a few days as I noticed more and more how he shows me love.

Here are a few things from my list:

  • He's brilliant and is constantly making me computer programs to make my life easier
  • He's an A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Father
  • He does the dishes for me every night, even though it is his least favorite chore
  • He gets up with the kids in the middle of the night so I can sleep
  • He never complains when I go shopping and buy something for myself
  • He lets me get out of the house when I need to
  • He's HOT!
  • If I tell him something bothers me, he immediately tries to change
  • He is a great unbiased listener and he sides with me when I need him to but is man enough to tell me the things I don't always want to hear
  • He believes in me!
So at 7 a.m. this morning I'm relaxing in the bath while he's watching all the kids. I had a rough, painful night and we both had an early start to the day. I told him I'd be out as quick as I can and he says with a genuine and sweet smile, "Why? Take your time."
After the kids are up and we're deciding how to spend our Saturday he asks what I'd really like to do. I say,  "I'd honestly love to just sleep, but we need to go do...." blah blah blah. He says, "Why not rest. You sleep and I'll play with the kids." He played hide and seek with them downstairs (I could hear when he counted) and I slept. It was wonderful. 
How could today played out if I wasn't noticing and paying attention to his sweetness and his love for me? Would I have been cross with him or would I have been indifferent or would I have looked up just now when he entered the room and winked at him? Who knows but I know overall that when I am praising him and I think about his positive qualities and I acknowledge when he is trying to show me love that I don't notice his faults. Yes, he does have some. What he excels at your partner may lack but remeber--vice versa. My sharing the list of his qualities above is not intended to make you look at your spouse and think, "My spouse doesn't do that!" It is just to help you think of what your spouse DOES do for you! There are some things I wish my husband would do for me that he doesn't and some things he does do that I wish he wouldn't but I just realize that if he did those things he would be completely perfect and what fun is that!?!? :) 

So, if you're coming to my blog to read this post you know something about the project I am proposing. I propose that you leave a comment to this post and tell us about the amazing qualities of your spouse. This will do several AMAZING things! 1. You will be thinking positively about your spouse which will lead you to better interactions with your spouse. 2. Your spouse will probably notice, maybe not immediately but if you spend more time thinking about how wonderful they are and treat them accordingly they are bound at some point to reciprocate. 3. Others will be inspired by you, which will have ripple effects for countless others. 

Here are some ideas of what you can post:
  • Some qualities you love about your spouse
  • Something nice your spouse did for you today
  • Something nice you plan on doing for your spouse today
Please feel free to come back and share often--if you do, please tell us you are a returning commenter. Inappropriate comments will be deleted. I hope sharing has a wonderful effect on you and your spouse! Please share this project with others and help many others have similarly wonderful experiences too!


  1. I think this is a great idea Dedra. I think, however, that a lot of people read blogs but have a hard time posting to them. I am one of them. I was discussing your project last night with David and we thought it might be a good idea for you to start a facebook page for it. While I am not a huge fan of facebook, I do think that more people might be willing to participate and you would definitely have a bigger audience to share with. I don't know, what do you think?

    Now on to my hubby. I have been trying to think of something to write that would do him justice, but there are no words. Really. How do you say in a few sentences what a person means to you? He is the best man I have ever known and continues to get better in my eyes every day, which I didn't think was possible because he is genuinly so good. He humbles me beyond belief and makes me want to be better because of his example. He is patient, kind, generous, forgiving, humble, and a loving and devoted father.
    That is just the tip of the iceberg my friends, and he is mine for eternity. How rad is that!?

  2. Amy, Thanks for sharing about your hubby! We are on facebook too. That is VERY rad that you have him for eternity!

  3. This is a great idea Dedra! Johnny is the most amazing man! He makes me feel beautiful, amazing, inspired, he treats me like I'm wonder woman, like I'm the best mom ever. He not only tells me that he loves and appreciates me he tells everyone else too. With him I'm a better person. He is an amazing dad. He loves family time! He is always there when I need time to myself or alone with him. He makes me laugh and comforts me when I cry! He loves me when I'm huge and grumpy at the end of my pregnancies and wants me to be pregnant again :) I love him so much!!

  4. Hello,
    I found your blog through a pinterest pin. I think you have a great way with words and it sounds like you have a wonderful husband. :) I am a newlywed and love my husband so very much. I am so blessed to have him, he shows me daily how much he loves me and we tell each other all the time.
    I think that if you pin a few of your blog posts on pinterest you will gain more readers. You have a great blog here and I wish you much success.

  5. I just found your blog from Pinterest...and I have to say that reading the last post brought tears to my eyes. Your husband is so much like my husband! My husband does the same things...and so often I feel like I don't show him the gratitude that I should be showing him because he truly is an amazing husband and father. It's always so nice to know that other women are as lucky as I am :). I'm definitely going to be doing this more frequently! Everyone needs to know that they're loved and appreciated. I don't want my husband to ever feel as though I don't care or appreciate all he does and sacrifices for our family. Thank you so much for the reminder!

  6. Honestly, do you make up stuff and hope he will grow into it? Mine leaves me at home all the time doing his own thing and when he isn't doing that he is working.

    1. Hi. Thank you for your comment. No, I honestly don't make this stuff up. I have a few ideas for you that might help your situation. 1. Get involved in whatever is "his own thing." Find a way to take an interest, learn how to do what he does or simply be there to support him. 2. Give him something worth coming home to. Make him want to be home more often by treating him like a king. 3. Try and notice all the good in him (if you try to do this on a regular basis it will work wonders) from that dimple you love to his sharing the remote to whatever else you can think of. 4. Have Hope!
      I strongly believe that almost any marriage, even those hanging on by a thread can change to one of those marriages that you hear of that almost sounds like a fairytale. It takes hard work. Sometimes it takes one partner a lot of determination and sacrifice but I believe that almost always the other partner will eventually notice and reciprocate. I wish you and any others who feel like you are in the same boat lots of wonderful marital vibes!

  7. I came to your blog via a Pinterest post and I LOVE this idea. I've been married for 13 years and our relationship just gets better and better. My husband is funny--never underestimate a great sense of humor to get you through the rough patches. My husband thinks the world of me, but also sees and identifies my faults. Knowing him makes me a better person. He's always open to listening to suggestions I may have to make our relationship better (as am I--this has to be a two-way street). Today, he watered our vegetable garden before he left for work so I wouldn't have to do it when I got home from work. He cooks dinner for us every night. (Yes, ladies, the man cooks. Hands off.) What am I going to do today to show my appreciation? Erm... Best to leave that one to y'alls imaginations.

    1. Ann, I love this comment! You rock! A sense of humor IS such an important quality and really does help get through those awful patches. My husband is willing to cook--he just only knows how to make cheese sandwiches--and I'm one of those pickier gourmet type people. I hope you both enjoyed your show of appreciation! :)

  8. Oh I love this! I have been married for just about 8 years now (July is our Anniversary). Tom is my second hubby, and I am his only wife LOL! My hubby is kind and considerate of everyone. He is even mannered, where I am all over the place. So he actually balances me. He is the best dad! This was an amazing relationship to watch develop, as my son was 7 when Tom and I married. They are so alike now!

    But the best quality is that Tom believes in me 100%! When I lost my job and went back to school he supported me all the way. He would do all of the chores and cooking if I had an exam coming up. He studied with me. And he showed obvious pride in me whenever he spoke of me being a student again at 39!

    1. Awesome! Thanks for sharing! Support makes such a difference!!! I would never have started this blog or become a graphic designer without the support of my husband. I hope you have an awesome anniversary next month!

  9. I also found your blog on Pinterest. I am a firm believer in what you are writing about, in this post and in others. I am a newlywed, It will be one year this July. I am also on my second marriage, which lasted a year. This year with my husband has been the best year of my life. Even if it included getting wisdom teeth removed, a surgery to remove a cyst the size of a tennis ball in my ovary, and some car issues that have recently popped up. We have had some problems financially, but what newly married college students don't!? The best part of all of this year is the amount of love and support I have felt from my husband. He was there in the start when I was crying because this marriage is far better, and I am being treated like a queen. He is my match in every way, and I love that he doesn't care when he comes home and I had just spent the day reading and not doing the dishes that desperately needed doing.

    One thing that we have, that I think each couple should have in their home...we have a white board. This white board does not have chores on it. It hangs up in the kitchen and we leave little notes to each other as we are leaving for work, or before the other gets home from work. This has been an amazing tool, and a fun one, to keep us thankful to one another. You don't have to use a whiteboard, I have a friend that her and her husband have dry-erase markers in their bathroom and they put messages on their mirror. This is such a cute way that we have found to show love and appreciation.

    1. Kelsey, thank you so much for your post. Congrats on almost 1 year! I'm so sorry about the cyst. I've had a few too--not that big though. They hurt like crazy so I can only imagine how bad yours was. I hope you don't have any more!
      Your white board idea is great! We used to do that but we didn't hang up our board when we moved into our house (7 years ago). I think I need to come up with something to get this going again.

  10. I just found your blog on Pinterest, and I love it!!! My husband (Blaine) and I are trying to work out the kinks of having my mom live with us. She has been really sick and can't live by herself so she is now living with us. That is one of the many things about Blaine that I appreciate more and more everyday. He was very supportive of my mom moving in. He helps me around the house as much as he can, he is in school right now to make a better life for us. I am so proud of him. Blaine doesn't like when I am sad or hurting, he always wants to make everything better. I really love this man!!! We've been married for almost 9 years, and we've been together fro 11 years. I fall for him more everyday!

    1. Ruby, wow! You and Blaine are saints. Another person is a lot to take on. I wish you much luck in this opportunity to strengthen your marriage even more!

  11. I also just found your blog via Pinterest (GO YOU!). My husband and I have been together for 12 years (since we were 18) and married for seven this August. I had a daughter in High School and Nate and I started dating when she was just ten months old. We have been through ALOT together. I call him my Hero and he truly is. He cooks, compliments my cooking, cleans the table after dinner ALOT, gives me MY own time away, never complains if I spend too much money and feel guilty. Notices when I clean, and thanks me for it, he is an amazing daddy to our two children. He works seven days a week most of the time, and sacrifices sleep to spend time with me and the kids. He makes me feel like I am the only woman that matters in the world. He recently started working out five days a week for an hour in the morning on his way home after working 3rd shift and is getting his old High School body back- and I am so proud of him for the dedication. I honeslty can't believe what a jackpot I hit with hiim. Everyone has their faults... but I thank God for this man every day!

  12. Thank goodness for Pinterest! I found the link and the post and love this. It makes me want to take 5 minutes everyday to think about what a wonderful man my husband is and all he does for me and our 2 boys. He is such a hard worker and takes such good care of us. He makes sure that we have everything we need. He helps with housework (and will even clean the toilet!) and doesn't complain about it. He will take out the trash and put the can on the curb the night before garbage day. He will cook dinner on nights when I have to work earlier than usual and will bring me a plate and a drink of water or soda while I'm working. He doesn't complain about having to watch out boys 3 out of 5 nights a week after he's had a long day at work. He is a loving man and I couldn't be more lucky to call him "MY HUSBAND!" Thank you for this post! It really helps put things into perspective for me!

  13. I really don't have the "energy" to do this so I'm making myself do it 'cause I'm noticing that I'm negative nellie.
    Qualities: He is patient.
    He does not have a temper (main reason I fell in love with him)
    He is an amazing father and so talented at everything he does.
    He is very humble (second reason I fell in love with him)
    He genuinely thinks of others better than him, so sweet.
    He plugs away through our hard times (no job, 3 kids, no money for babysitters, and both his parents battling cancer)
    Nice things he did today:
    Let me take a three hour nap
    Cooked supper
    Got the kids ready for bed
    Cleaned the entire kitchen 'cause I was discouraged about it being messy
    Fed the kids lunch while I napped.
    Nice things I play to do for him:
    .....mmmmm, not so easy......thank him?
    thank him for all his technology accomplishments though I HATE it, hate
    it, hate it!!!!!
    Be thankful for his intelligence
    ok, ya I've gotta work on this step before his talent kills our marriage

  14. For My Man.
    Bare with not great speller. Qualities: 1st- He works extreamly hard fisicailly. Long hrs. Grave yard. 2nd- he will stay up with me in the day for compony family time with our son who just one. 3rd- has asked me to be a stay at home mom. 4th- let me know when he gets to work everyday saying he loves me. 5th- doesn't for get importan dates so far.

    Something he did he didn't have to let me get a new shirt and let it be sexy he has great taste but like ever thing covered this shirt is like I got boobs they popen lol.

    Their are things I work on for him I don't really have the wife qualities you could say I collect things but hate cludder but when I put things away it on display you could say he like don't want to see it. Found out it runs in my family made me feel better. But I got to get into cooking school. I do most the house stuff since I home now but he used to help out when I worked. How he made me meals yum. How I have to beg for him to cook when I want his special meals. But they so worth it. :) we have it bumpy we different but we love eachother get over it mostly he better at then me. I deeply know I very lucky and have gratitde torwds him. Not shore if I show it. I feel drained a lot of the time. Then again going from on your feet working baby all hrs. Of night and I have over spoiled him so he can be a stubbern child and we are both stuberen parents as indivuals so it like my head hurts. To just with baby at home it like all the energy was because of the job.

  15. Wow, you really know how to pull emotions out of people! :) Between this post and "7 ways in 7 days" you've gotten to me. I've been trying, for some time, to really, truly appreciate my husband. I NEED to do it more often! I've been suffering from migraines and most of the time I don't feel so hot. Even so, I still need to do this and I do think you are completely right when you say that it WILL pay off and make you feel better. It does! I am a stay at home mom and we have been married for over 2 years and have 2 boys, 5 and 1. (The 5 yo he openly and lovingly took as his own son, even though he was from a previous relationship.) My husband is wonderful! He does all the things that you say your husband does. He gets up with the baby so I don't have to! I even feel bad telling other women that! He's ALWAYS doing something to make my day easier. Whether it's picking something up from the store, playing with the kids so i can relax, making me a hair appt. (cuz he knows that I hate to take for myself), doing dishes, secretly getting a sitter. The list is literally endless. Wow, I gotta go tell him what he means to me...

  16. Great idea!

    My hubby is such a gentleman. Whenever we go some where together he always opens the car door for me to get in, even when our car is parked in the garage. To thank him, I give him a quick kiss. He's not much for PDA, but this he appreciates.

  17. First of all, no I am not married...yet.(both in our 20's) We have been engaged almost a year and dating almost 8 years, but even after just dating so long, things can get hard, which means they can get even worse after we are married. So I want to do this for the same reasons as all of the marred people on here. This has helped me remember what I saw in him so many years ago that I will remind myself to think of and look for after we are married.

    He tells me he loves me even when we are mad, he texts me every morning (and although I get annoyed that they usually say about the same thing I love you be careful have good day ect..) atleast he takes the time to do it, he always pushes me to go back to school and do what I want to do reguardless of how much money I won't be making, He is sometimes really fun, he tries to ride horses with me reguardless of being scared, he is honest, probably one of the hardest working people I know, wants and tries to givee me the best, he always buys dinner even after all of these years through hard times and being laid off once we still always have date night...

    I thought I wasn't goin to have anything to write on this but not I cant stop. Thank you so much for this blog, it has reminded me why I want to marry him. He is still and always will be my best friend.

  18. Great topic for your blog, thanks! Had to tell you about my hubby too! I'm remarried (3rd time) for only a year and a half now. I married a man I knew back in high school, but didn't really "know" back then. We lost touch for more than 25 years, but due to Facebook, we reconnected after my last divorce and decided to meet one night just to "catch up". We have been together since that night and he is so amazing. My last husband turned from Mr. Right to the ultimate con man/abuser (mentally and verbally), so I had no plans to ever remarry. Getting to know my new husband and knowing that God had to be the one who brought us together totally changed my mind. He had been divorced for 12 years and tells me that he was waiting for the "perfect" wife, and that he knew God would send him the right person when He was ready to. He works everyday to make sure I feel loved, protected and safe. He works six days a week most weeks and still helps me at home with whatever I need him to do. I find notes on the bathroom mirror a lot when I get up in the morning (I sleep a lot later than he does) just letting me know how much he loves me and will always take care of me. He became an instant stepfather and grandfather to two little boys and instantly fell in love with them all and they love him. It's like God hand-picked this man and placed him in my life at exactly the right time, and me in his. He tells me multiple times in a day how much he loves me but more importantly he shows it everyday. I hate we didn't find each other much sooner in life, but we're still young enough to share many, many years together and I look forward to growing old with this man and know our love will only grow stronger and stronger as we do. For anyone still searching out there, don't give up...just keep praying. The right person is out there, you just have to let God work and be patient sometimes.

  19. I love this idea! He isn't my spouse yet, but hopefully one day soon :) He is an amazing listener and is always there for me. He knows how to make me smile and laugh when I need it most and is the person who knows me best. He not only fits in perfectly with my friends and family, but is my better half.

    Yesterday I had a 102 fever and was so upset because I felt awful. The second he got home from work and saw my tears, he wrapped me in his arms.

    I saw your blog posting of the 7 Ways in 7 Days... I am going to do that for him next week :) He shows me how much he loves me all of the time and I know that I lack in the "showing" department sometimes.

    Thanks :)