Leading up to Treatment

I recently started an intensive treatment program for my depression. I guess I've always had some sort of depression throughout my life. I didn't really notice it then--I just didn't understand how other people could be so happy. I just never got it. The day we brought our first baby home though I was hit with a level of depression that I had never experienced before. The thoughts that my baby and husband would be better off without me were so strong and believable. I asked people for help in taking care of my baby. I was in a really low place but everyone I asked told me "no." What the? I didn't know I had to say I was suicidal to get help?!?!?!

I did everything I could to work on the depression myself. I learned some things that really helped me to be happy as well as coping mechanisms....for a while.

My depression would come and go in its severity. My whole pregnancy with my 3rd child was pretty awful. I started becoming open about my depression about a year after I had my third. As soon as I did people started coming out of the woodwork telling me I needed to take meds. I felt like some have practically tried forcing it down my throat. Then there have been others that have no idea about depression that have told me I just need to pray more or be more righteous or choose to be happy. Everyone who has had clinical depression know those answers are a bunch of crock. I AM choosing to be happy. I do pray - A LOT. I keep trying to improve my righteousness but my brain is broken and it won't allow me to be happy.

Recently I found that no matter what I did to try and help  my depression nothing was helping at all anymore. We knew I needed help but we have constantly felt that medicine was not the right choice for me. We looked into electroshock therapy and I started acupuncture...but then I nose dived again and I started to look for a rehab facility.

This place called Theta Wellness popped up while looking for a rehab facility. I went in the next day and they started me immediately. They put you through a few processes that help restore neurotransmitters to their correct functioning without the use of meds. They use technology derived from Nasa, a transcranial magnetic therapy device, and an infrared bed. The program lasts 21 days and takes about 2 hours a day. It is a huge commitment but we were out of options. During my first treatment my cloud started to lift and I am now on day 7 and it hasn't returned. There has been no pain involved, no memory loss. The only bad part was a protein shake they make you drink each day but now they don't bother me at all.

We are hoping for some permanent improvement. Time will tell how well it works in the long run. At least now I can think clearly, thoughts of ending my life have ceased and I have much more energy.

For those struggling with depression, know that its not your fault. You're not a bad person because you have depression--even though the world seems to insinuate this. Depression can strike the strongest, most intelligent minds.If you have a broken leg you get it fixed. You're not a bad person if your bone gets broken. If your brain gets broken, you get it fixed--you're not a bad person!

Join me in my fight to stop the social stigma.

~xo,
Dedra

my ongoing personal saga

where to begin? where to end? our story took us near the freeway today in only one town where we could afford a decent home to raise our kids. 1400 sq feet less than we were expecting. the list in my head of all the things i will have to sell/get rid of is making me nauseous--well, I've been nauseous over this all for so long. so many ideas/dreams/plans just keep getting shattered. the idea of being stuck where we didn't want to be forever because I can't go through this again is filling me with some looming thoughts. and to think maybe there are weeks and months ahead to start the loan process all over again. 3 bedrooms and no room to grow doesn't sound enticing to have more kids--i did want more. after all that we've endured there still are no apparent blessings---even though somehow this probably is a blessing. I'm just ready for some not in disguise.
xo,
dedra

10,000th sale SALE

This last month I reached my 10,000th sale, so we're going to be celebrating all month long with 50% OFF EVERYTHING in the shop http://www.prettifuldesigns.etsy.com.  This is a great time to stock up!  

AND you can use it with my specials:  

Buy 3 Get 1 additional item FREE
Buy 4 Get 2 additional items FREE
Buy 5 Get 3 additional items FREE
Buy 10 Get 10 additional items FREE
Buy 20 Get 21 additional items FREE
FREE items must be of equal or lesser value to the lowest priced item purchased. To get your free items, Copy and Paste ENTIRE TITLE of free product(s) (not link) in notes to seller to get your free item(s).


Here are some of the items in the shop:

Come celebrate with me!

NOT

After 64 days of processing Wells Fargo couldn't close our loan so the house is back on the market. Great deal for someone with a vision....

Closing Day... maybe not

Today is supposed to be our closing day. We started looking for a house 3 years ago when I felt an impression that it was time to move. We found the area we wanted to live and a few months later put our house on the market. It took almost a whole year to sell our house. As soon as we did we put an offer in on a house we had found in June of 2011. As soon as we sold our house we put in an offer on the new one. The bank accepted our offer in Jan or Feb of 2012 but they didn't allow us to move forward until March of 2013.
The only bank we could find to loan on the property has taken like 65 days and has requested 3 extensions. Today is the last extension. We give documents within 30 minutes of being asked and yet they still can't get it done. Yesterday we thought we had everything turned in and ready to go and then this morning they say they won't accept half our documents and our income and they want a million more things. I ran around to get everything and we're turning more stuff in but who knows. How can people sit on documents for 2 months and then at the very last second say they won't work? Do they not look at them at all?
Anyway, we could use thoughts and prayers today. We've been in limbo so many years. It has been pretty difficult--especially with my depression

Lyrics

Several people have asked me to post lyrics for the song in the last post.
Here they are:

How long is enough?
The wait seems too long.
I can't seem to swim.
I'm sinking too much

Then a hand reaches out and pulls me up
I didn't see before, He was there all along

Looking back
I can't believe
How far I've come.
It's all from Him.

He was always there I had to look up.
He never let me down, He was there all along.

The wait that seemed so long has been swallowed up.
The fire is now put out and now I shine, I shine forth.

The hand that reaches out for me
Is reaching out for you...

Text and lyrics Copyright Dedra Tregaskis 2013.
No reproduction without written consent allowed.

A song, new products and 30% off paper sale!

So, I haven't blogged much lately. I um... am having difficulty with some things but I've been getting back into music lately and the last few weeks I've written 4 songs. I'm sharing the song I wrote & recorded today: 

Music and lyrics Copyright Dedra Tregaskis 2013

New froggy clip art!

 Love, love love hippos:

And because there can never be enough rainbow-esque variations:

And...paper packs are all 30% off now through the 31st of May at http://www.prettifuldesigns.etsy.com

Only 2 days left of the 50% Off Sale

Sale ends this Wednesday! It has been stellar! Come check it out: Prettiful Designs

500 Items = HUGE 50% Off SALE

The 500th item arrived in my shop today and to celebrate I'm offering a 50% off sale. It is valid with my other offers so this is really the time to stock up. 

New Prints, Papers, & Clip Art

I've been super busy designing lately. My custom orders are still like a month and a half out. That's a good thing right? I even threw in some of the items I want for myself onto my list. :) The prints at the bottom are some I designed for my own house--its just hard which ones to pick. :)

xo,
Dedra

Chore Badges

I'm adding these to my shops tomorrow. My girls have been anxiously waiting for me to get them done because they want to earn their "Chore Badges"

Did I mention I'm having a Sale?

I often fail advertising because I would rather be designing. :) Everything in my shop is marked down 20% AND you can use it with my new specials:

Buy 3 Get 1 additional item FREE
Buy 4 Get 2 additional items FREE
Buy 5 Get 3 additional items FREE
Buy 10 Get 10 additional items FREE
Buy 20 Get 21 additional items FREE
FREE items must be of equal or lesser value to the lowest priced item purchased. To get your free items, Copy and Paste ENTIRE TITLE of free product(s) (not link) in notes to seller to get your free item(s). Do NOT put free items in cart. For an example of how to get free items, go here: https://www.etsy.com/listing/127268773 

Here are some of the new items in my shop:

 sp

And a new banner in my printables shop:

Easter Subway Print

Easter Subway Print now available in my Printable etsy shop:

I made this last year but there was a problem with the link yada yada yada so here it is. I don't know if I even printed it last year. I need to print it for myself! :) 

P90X

My hubby is a pretty techy guy and we've kind of grown accustomed to doing techy things at night, which leads to us growing pretty lazy. He was talking to someone the other day about their results with P90X over 2 weeks and my  hubby got pretty excited. I got the dvds the next day and we started. I honestly love it. The first 2 days were great. Tonight we skipped some dvds to try something that was targeting muscles that were not already sore and I was laughing hysterically at how we totally couldn't do it. I'm going to be so ridiculously sore tomorrow.

I'm not really looking for results--just getting healthy and active alongside my hubby. So I guess I'm finally working on my January goal of rejuvenating and getting energy. I'm so far behind on my happiness project. I have so much I want to share I'm just having a hard time making time for it. Not that I don't love ya'll. I just love my kiddos more.
xo,
Dedra

ALL Eggs in One Basket

I have never believed in putting all my eggs in one basket when it comes to financial decisions but that is what we are doing. Regardless of others opinions and lack of support we continue to hold out for the house we have been trying to get for FOREVER (we first saw it in June of 2011!). It may not seem wise to anyone and frankly I don't care. We are doing what we feel is right for our family in the long run. I would love nothing more than to move right now but we are going to wait until we get that house I guess no matter how long it takes. I hope it is sooner than later. I've finally put it completely in the Lord's hands, allowing His mercy to take care of what I can't and His atonement to carry me through my emotional/mental/and physical hurdles. 

Prayers in our favor are welcomed and greatly appreciated. Someday that house will be ours--unless the journey and a crushing defeat is the lesson to be learned. I think the former is the case and we sure hope for it. We will make that house beautiful and we are so excited to be able to have room and ability to do so much good. I will have room to hold regular Crafting for Charity nights and we will have room to have others stay/live when emergencies arise. We will have room to store supplies when emergencies arise--enough for us AND others and I can't wait to shop all year long and have a store of items to give to those who need it.  We have done everything in our power to make this happen and we are now turning it over to Him who can move mountains and make more than our wildest dreams come true. Here is to more faith and hope and a lot less worrying.

xo,

Dedra